Baby blues or postnatal depression? Looking after your mind after birth
How to tell the baby blues from postnatal depression, why it's common and nothing to be ashamed of, the rare emergency of postpartum psychosis, and where Hong Kong families in the UK can get help.
In many Hong Kong families, the confinement month is meant to be a time of rest and celebration. So when a new mother feels low, anxious or numb, she may feel she has to hide it — from her family, her 陪月, even her partner. But changes in mood after birth are very common, and help works.
The baby blues
Many new mothers have a few days of the baby blues soon after birth. You might feel:
- teary for no clear reason,
- irritable, anxious or overwhelmed,
- up and down from hour to hour.
Hormone changes, exhaustion and the huge adjustment to a new baby all play a part. The NHS says the baby blues usually go away within 2 weeks of the birth. Rest, food, help with the baby and someone to talk to make a real difference.
Postnatal depression
If low mood lasts longer than two weeks, or starts later, it may be postnatal depression (PND). It can start any time in the first year after birth — or even during pregnancy — and it affects more than 1 in 10 women within a year of giving birth. Partners can be affected too.
Signs include:
- feeling sad, low or hopeless much of the time,
- losing interest in things, or not enjoying your baby,
- feeling exhausted but unable to sleep, even when your baby sleeps,
- difficulty bonding with your baby,
- withdrawing from family and friends,
- frightening, intrusive thoughts — for example about harm coming to the baby,
- feeling that you're a bad mother, or guilt that won't go away.
The NHS advises getting help even if you only have some of these signs. PND isn't a sign of weakness or of being a bad parent, and it doesn't mean you don't love your baby. With support — talking therapies, self-help and sometimes medication — most women get better.
Postpartum psychosis: an emergency
Postpartum psychosis is rare, affecting around 1 in 1,000 mothers. It usually starts suddenly in the first 2 weeks after birth, often within hours or days, and the NHS says it should be treated as a medical emergency.
When the family doesn't see it
In many cultures, including Hong Kong's, mental health can be hard to talk about. Grandparents may say a new mother just needs more soup and rest, or that worrying is normal. A 陪月 may notice changes before anyone else, because they're with you all day.
If you're a partner or family member:
- take it seriously if she says she isn't coping;
- help her get real rest — take a night feed, or ask the 陪月 to;
- go with her to see the GP or health visitor.
If you're the mother: your feelings are valid even if your family doesn't understand them yet. You can speak to your health visitor or GP on your own.
Where to get help
- Your midwife, health visitor or GP — they can talk things through, offer support and refer you to specialist perinatal mental health services.
- NHS Talking Therapies — if you're 18 or over you can refer yourself through the NHS website.
- NHS 111 for urgent advice, or 999 in an emergency.
- Samaritans: 116 123 — free, any time, if you need someone to talk to.
- PANDAS Foundation — peer support for parents by WhatsApp and bookable calls (not a crisis service).
- An interpreter — you can ask the NHS for a Cantonese interpreter for your appointments.
Sources
Disclaimer
- Our articles are general information only. They are not medical, legal or other professional advice, and they don’t replace advice from your midwife, health visitor, GP or another qualified professional who knows your situation.
- Postnatal Link is not a healthcare provider. Carers on Postnatal Link offer practical postnatal support; they don’t replace your NHS midwife, health visitor or GP.
- We check articles against NHS and other official UK sources at the time of writing, but guidance changes. Check the latest advice, and never ignore professional advice or delay getting help because of something you read here.
- Traditional confinement practices and foods are described as cultural information, not as health claims.
- Links to other websites are provided for information; we aren’t responsible for their content.
- In an emergency call 999. For urgent medical advice call NHS 111 or go to 111.nhs.uk.
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